On May 5, I scheduled a Zoom call with Dad and Mom. Mom isn't overly tech savvy, and she had to get on by herself, but with the help of my son, and in spite of our call being postponed for over an hour because the doctor was seeing Dad, she got on!
The kind tech held up the tablet so Dad could see Mom on the screen and said loudly, “Look, here’s your wife” and Mom said, “I love you, honey!” Dad, his eyes half closed, then clearly mouthed the words, “I love you.” We ALL saw it!
It was an amazing moment and I almost burst into tears right then. You could tell that Dad was terribly groggy and disoriented, but he knew Mom and her voice! It was enough!
The next day, as Dad grew more and more agitated, they had to restrain him because he was trying to pull out his tubes. And I became more and more frustrated. I kept praying for God to fill Dad with His peace, to speak to Dad wherever his mind was. That’s what made me most upset. Why didn’t God give Dad peace? I could understand that God had bigger plans and had to make us wait for Dad’s healing. But it seemed like peace was something every believer is guaranteed, and yet Dad didn’t have peace or he wouldn’t have been pulling out his tubes and kicking in bed. I didn’t understand why God was saying “no”!
Dad’s COVID test came back positive again, which was also a disappointment. I thought about the story of the leper Jesus healed. The man said "If you are willing, You can make me clean." Jesus replied, "I am willing; be clean." I had hoped that God would do the same thing for Dad, that He would be willing for Dad's test to come back clear. But this time, Jesus wasn't willing. He had something else that He was doing, like when He made Mary and Martha wait while Lazarus grew sicker and sicker. I found such comfort in John 11:5-6 “Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed where He was two more days…” I kept going back to that story, because it felt like that's where we were—waiting for Jesus to come, and we didn't know why He was taking so long. But there was also that hope—Jesus was making them wait because He had something better planned. He knew that Lazarus had to be raised to life so that others could believe in Him. And I was reminded that although this is happening to our family, it wasn’t just about us. God had a bigger purpose through all of this. We just had to pray and wait.
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