Disappointment

Dad was taken off the ventilator Friday evening, and we anxiously waited for a phone call.

That Friday evening, Mom got a call from the hospital that Dad’s numbers were good, and he had been removed from the ventilator. Since Mom's voice seemed to help Dad, I asked during the conference call whether she could be allowed to talk to him after they took him off the ventilator. The doctor agreed that it was a good idea, but Mom never got a call.

Now all we could do was hope and pray. I spent most of the night begging God for a miracle, begging Him to breathe His breathe of life into Dad’s lungs. Several people who had called to pray with me had mentioned God breathing His breath into Dad, and it felt like the right thing to pray. So I did. I pleaded and begged that Dad would be able to stay off the ventilator and not need a tracheostomy.

I slept fitfully that night, waking up to pray and waiting for a phone call to say that something had gone wrong.

No call came.

The next morning, still no call. I remember cleaning the bathroom and praying and finally saying to myself, “Something’s wrong.” So when I finally got a call from Mom around noon, I was deeply disappointed, though not shocked, to find that Dad had to be put back on the ventilator. Worse, because they had tried to take Dad off on Friday, they wouldn’t do the tracheostomy until after the weekend, so Dad had to be reintubated for a third time! Even more frustrating was that Dad had only been off the ventilator for a few hours before they put him back on, but they didn’t call to tell us until noon the next day. So I spent the night praying for Dad to breathe on his own when he was already back on the ventilator. It was a huge disappointment and Mom was crushed.

That afternoon, I received this e-mail from a dear friend.

“I'm so sorry Christy. This is a painful setback for you all, especially for your Mom. However, I do see a bubble of protection around your parents and you and Tim. I pray for you all to know God's peace again today.

“You call us prayer warriors. I need to be bolder than I am. I'm Raising my sword and shield against Satan's plans and powers and Satan will not win! The Lord God of heaven and earth, He shall win the battle! Your Dad is protected by heavenly forces commanded by Jesus Christ Himself. Be strong in the Lord. We are standing with you.”

I wrote back: “Your note has reminded me that this isn't just a battle for Dad's life; it may be a spiritual battle that I need to join with God's strength and pray against the forces of darkness that are trying to attack our hearts and thwart God's good plan. I hadn't thought of it that way before, and I'm so grateful for God using your note to speak that truth into my life. Thank you so much for standing with me. Time to dry my tears and pick up my sword and shield.

"Would you please pray that I will have the faith I need (I think my shield of faith is more like the size of a saucer than a full shield)? I've always struggled with the problem of evil and with truly believing in God's love. When I was young, someone very dear to me died of cancer about a year after we thought God had miraculously healed her, and that has really become a stumbling block to me. I feel like that father in the gospels who said to Jesus, "I believe, help my unbelief!"