At this rehab hospital, more than at the hospital, we were beginning to learn who people were. We knew the nice lady who had helped us get the tablet started. We knew the kind night receptionist at the nurses’ desk, as well as the afternoon receptionist who put me on hold for 13 minutes and forgot about me. We began to recognize the different nurses, too.
I finally got to talk to the case manager (after leaving her a message five days before). She told me that she would have Dad’s doctor call me the next day when he made his rounds.
I wrote that night:
I was reading in John 15 today where Jesus talks about branches being pruned so they produce more fruit. I know pruning is important; I have to do it to my raspberry plants. But the pruning hurts, and I'd really like to be done with it now. Then just a few verses later, Jesus offers this amazing encouragement. "As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you. Now remain in My love." That is what I must do tonight (and every night)--remain, abide, continue in His love and trust that His work will yield amazing fruit that we cannot even begin to fathom!
The next morning, Saturday, May 16, I got up and waited for the phone to ring, thinking perhaps the doctor would call me as soon as he got in to get the call taken care of. I had spent time the night before getting questions from my brother and Mom that I could ask the doctor since we hadn’t spoken with him or gotten any information about Dad’s care plan. Afraid to get a shower for fear that is when he might call, I waited all morning. Then I waited all afternoon. By 3:00, I realized that he wasn’t going to call; I had wasted my whole day waiting for a call that would never come.
So I called for an update on Dad and got one of the nurses who seemed to be in charge, and wasn't necessarily my favorite person on that floor because of her attitude. Dad was actually doing well with weaning, she told me. I must have mentioned something about not being able to talk to the doctor so she said she could answer my questions. It probably would have been better if I hadn’t said anything. First, she explained briefly about getting Dad into a trach collar and then a valve so he could speak; no one had taken the time to explain this so it was very helpful. And then I asked a question I had been facing for weeks. Once Dad was no longer sedated did she have any idea how long it would take for him to wake up, and would he come back as Dad? She told me very matter-of-factly that we might not know for months whether he would ever return to his pre-COVID state or whether he would even remember us at all. “I’ve been doing this for 31 years, and I've seen a lot,” she told me with no trace of compassion and a bit of smugness. It was devastating to hear what I pretty much knew in my heart—Dad might never return and it could be months before we knew.
I wrote that night:
I've been reading all over the Bible lately, but I'm trying to read through Matthew and today God gave me a few verses in Matthew 6 "...for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him" God knows what Dad and Mom need, and I must trust Him to take care of them because I can't. Then I came to "...Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven." And I thought how amazing it is for the angels to serve before God's throne, knowing His power and majesty and glory in a way we don't down here. We only get the smallest glimmer of how awesome and holy He truly is, and if I could see Him as the angels see Him, I wouldn't be so quick to question or doubt. I would want His will done no matter what because I would know with certainty that it is always right. So tonight I have to trust that even though I can't see what He's doing or why something as simple as a phone call has become such a battle, He knows what's going on and what we need even before I ask.
The good news that night was that Sam once again called Mom. In fact, while I was praying that Mom would get a phone call, God had already answered my prayer and Mom was talking to Dad.
I wrote:
Praise the LORD--I didn't know it until later, but Sam was the night nurse again last night and he called Mom so she could talk to Dad. When Mom got disconnected, Sam heard it and called her back! What a wonderful answer to prayer his kindness is!! It was funny because at the exact time that I was praying for Mom to get a call, Sam had already called her and she was talking to Dad. It was just like the verse I posted last night "your Father knows what you need before you ask Him." Isn't it wonderful that He does?! Thank you for praying!
This afternoon, when Mom was telling me that they were still giving Dad anxiety meds, she said, "I just wish I could sit there with him and hold his hand, and then he wouldn't be so anxious." I know Mom's presence would help Dad so much, and it's heartbreaking to know that it is currently impossible because of this terrible virus. Later, I read the e-mail my aunt sent me with a verse that I love and had forgotten. Isaiah 41:13, "For I am the LORD your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, 'Do not fear; I will help you." And it was almost like God was saying to me, "Christy, I know your mom can't be there to hold his hand, but I am holding your dad's hand and telling him not to fear." Who better to hold Dad's hand than God Himself?
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