By now Dad had been in the hospital for three weeks and I had 32 people on my prayer list, many of whom were blessing me with notes of encouragement. God knew I needed them because on Monday we were told that Dad’s blood pressure was too low, and they were going to have to hold off on the tracheostomy surgery for 2-3 days until the blood pressure meds were out of his system.
I wrote in my journal, “With every dashed hope, and every 'no' to our heartfelt prayers, it gets harder to believe. …I’m exhausted and I don’t feel like holding on right now. At this point, hope is my enemy, and I don’t know what verses to cling to. And I am reminded of Dad’s words (and a friend’s e-mail) “Where else can we go? Who else has the words of eternal life?” Help me, Jesus. Please, please help me to believe that You love us and have a good plan because I’m really struggling right now.
“10:00, I just got to talk to Dad. I read Psalm 91 [to him] again. The chaplain held the phone for me so Dad could hear. The chaplain has been such a big help and encouragement and I pray that he is divinely protected from this virus. I apologized for crying and said I’ve been having a hard time and he said, ‘That’s OK, we all are.’ Oh LORD, please get us through this! Please send Your angels to protect Dad and all the people at the hospital. Please, please keep the chaplain safe and give him Your encouragement today.
“I know You don’t usually do big miracles, You mainly work in quiet ways behind the scenes. Help me to trust You with that, too. Help me to believe that even when You delay, You still love us. Please heal Dad and bring him home to Mom. Please keep all the workers, especially at the hospital, safe. And please help me to keep my eyes on You.”
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